alter ego (unitary_chicken) wrote in myfakelj,
alter ego

I am Z?

Well hello.  I am a fake person.  Er...actually, the real reason for me creating this fake lj and username was because I already have another preexisting account (I've had it for a year and a half now) and I wanted to see if other users on lj can figure out my real username.  Yeah.  An inane lil game for a college student during summer vacation.  A bit lame, I guess, but I like it.  But since I'm here and I've already got a fake lj under this fake username, I thought I'd fluff up the alter ego a bit. 

My name is...Turd Ferguson.  Just kidding.  I'll be Z?  Yes, that's right.  My full name is Z?  The question mark is part of the name.  I am a superhero who thwarts evil with sarcastic wit and dry humor.  Fear the monotone of my voice, for I am Apathy, incarnate.  I haven't made any arch enemies yet, but I imagine the antagonist in my lil story could be Jubilance, Flamboyance, Overreaction, and Pretention.  

But here is a recap of my most recent heroic encounter:
A creepy, hairy, sweaty, slightly fat and ugly man whom I recognized as a scuzzball who did cheap pornos on the internets approached me as I sat down at a corner table in a restaurant.  After asking me to come have a private session in his office, and after repeatedly refusing (in my intimidating monotone, no less, which is probably why he didn't take me seriously), he began to get even creepier.  And so I began to mock and ridicule his creepiness (in the monotone, of course, because insults in a monotone always sting more), to which he became rather agitated.  I could tell he was considering doing something violent/obscene to me.  And so I said this:  you rape me and I'll castrate you with a spoon.  I noted his skepticism, thusly, then, casually and without even looking down, picked up a spoon that had been laying on the table and held it up for him to see.  I was glaring at him, and I'm pretty sure that if expressions could have a monotone, mine did.  He ran away like a taunted fat girl in a schoolyard.  

I hear he has been apprehended and exposed by Dateline.

(Was the sarcasm apparent?  Yes, yes...*evilly strokes chin like an, evil thing*  Hope you like the fake me.  Now...go find my true identity and you'll get a prize).

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