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Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
2:57 pm - I am Z?

unitary_chicken

Well hello.  I am a fake person.  Er...actually, the real reason for me creating this fake lj and username was because I already have another preexisting account (I've had it for a year and a half now) and I wanted to see if other users on lj can figure out my real username.  Yeah.  An inane lil game for a college student during summer vacation.  A bit lame, I guess, but I like it.  But since I'm here and I've already got a fake lj under this fake username, I thought I'd fluff up the alter ego a bit. 

My name is...Turd Ferguson.  Just kidding.  I'll be Z?  Yes, that's right.  My full name is Z?  The question mark is part of the name.  I am a superhero who thwarts evil with sarcastic wit and dry humor.  Fear the monotone of my voice, for I am Apathy, incarnate.  I haven't made any arch enemies yet, but I imagine the antagonist in my lil story could be Jubilance, Flamboyance, Overreaction, and Pretention.  

But here is a recap of my most recent heroic encounter:
A creepy, hairy, sweaty, slightly fat and ugly man whom I recognized as a scuzzball who did cheap pornos on the internets approached me as I sat down at a corner table in a restaurant.  After asking me to come have a private session in his office, and after repeatedly refusing (in my intimidating monotone, no less, which is probably why he didn't take me seriously), he began to get even creepier.  And so I began to mock and ridicule his creepiness (in the monotone, of course, because insults in a monotone always sting more), to which he became rather agitated.  I could tell he was considering doing something violent/obscene to me.  And so I said this:  you rape me and I'll castrate you with a spoon.  I noted his skepticism, thusly, then, casually and without even looking down, picked up a spoon that had been laying on the table and held it up for him to see.  I was glaring at him, and I'm pretty sure that if expressions could have a monotone, mine did.  He ran away like a taunted fat girl in a schoolyard.  

I hear he has been apprehended and exposed by Dateline.

(Was the sarcasm apparent?  Yes, yes...*evilly strokes chin like an evil...er, evil thing*  Hope you like the fake me.  Now...go find my true identity and you'll get a prize).

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Sunday, April 10th, 2005
12:51 am
_housewife_ It's late. The kids have been off at their friend's houses for quite some time and so Daddy and I did some extra fun events... ... however, something is curled up inside of me that's been there for years and years, but because of the Catholic upbringing I had as a child, I just sort of brushed it all under the rug. Tonight as he was hammering away on my ass iwth his (admittidly) enormous, hot cock...I kept think I wished it was a butch woman behind me with her strap on pounding it into me...taking me as her slave. The strange part is...I felt no shame for thinking this while it was going on. Sure, I was yelling out "Daddy Daddy"...but inside my head and my pussy I was really screaming out for some butch woman. I really thought I would have a handle on this by now...I thought as I got older my cravings would get weaker and weaker...but they're not. Clearly. Let's see...Daddy's got a business trip this weekend and as usual the kids are wanting to stay at the Harper's across town. Hmmm...perhaps I will endulge myself just a little bit with the idea. What harm could it do?

current mood: curious

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Saturday, April 9th, 2005
9:20 am - say hi to the housewife!
_housewife_ Hi there! I let myself sleep in a bit today...but because it's Saturday that means that the kids are home and needy as ever. I've got a lot on my plate for the day.

1. laundry
2. clean the damn house (why can't the kids be old enough to do it all for me?!)
3. and of course get the kids off to their friend's houses that they are sleeping over at tonight.
4. after they've gone...be naughty with "Daddy." ;)

I call him Daddy...I'm a bit of a submissive lady. I call myself the housewife because it makes Daddy feel all in control...and frankly, I like it like that. After the lights go out with the kids or like tonight, when they are off at other houses, Daddy and I get nice and frisky. And why shouldn't we??! We're still young and have spice left in us...plenty of it, as you'll see. :) Daddy told me he really wants me to post in here about everything. I do as he says and gladly. *slutty smile*

GrRRR...the kids are nagging on me...good thing that can't see what I'm writing. I'd feel like a really bad mother then.

Alright alright...off to make some breakfast (cartoons that they like have ended). OOp...Daddy just gave me a smirk...mm that's sexy!

More later!
p.s. working on an icon. :)

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Monday, October 18th, 2004
3:37 pm

confuzedpirate
Hello my name is Alex McConnell (dont let the name fool you, my first name is Lauren. my middle name is Alexander and i have always wanted a boyish name so when i was 12 i wrote Alex on everything).... i live in an apartment in Amsterdam, i moved out of the house when i was 18 with money i made selling paintings and photography. now i'm 24 and life is great i never thought that i would be able to do what i love for a living, it would be nice if i had a girlfriend yes i'm also homosexual, or at least a roomate oh well i'm going to an underground concert in a few hours so ttyl

current mood: excited

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Friday, April 30th, 2004
11:09 pm - Kenzie Mai Stewart is ba-ack
nepo Long time no talk. I just got out of that aweful rehab for banana addicts. I guess it really is a family problem. I suppose I never thought of it that way.
I haven't spoken to my family since I went into rehab. I think they are too disappointed in me to take my calls. Whatever the case, it's probably for the best. My cousin, after all, was my dealer.
Anyway, I lost my job as a window-washer. I can no longer climb tall buildings and throw random possessed shoes at people. This stinks. I am currently looking for work as a bum. I think I would be a great bum. I can pan-handle better than most! I think the only thing holding me back is the fact that I am a millionare. Somehow that takes the motivation out of it. Oh well.
I think that next friday I will join the circus temporarily. I figure it will give me a chance to travel, meet new people, and get the hell away from this god-forsaken town for a while. I am itching to get out of here. Literally, I am itching. This place has given me some sort of weird rash. It's very annoying and prickly.
Whatever happens, I will be sure to update you on my progress.

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Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
9:07 pm

lovelymiranda
Hello,
My name is Angelina Keller. People usually call me Angie. I'm from New York City, New York.
I am 24 years old. I'm quite attractive I guess. I've got long red hair. That's my natural hair color. And green-blue eyes. I'm 5'8'' and to thin in my opinion. I work as a waitress at a local caffe cause I'm a student of medicine. The truth is *sighs* that I am also addicted to heroin and morphine. Noone knows. Absolutely noone. I don't want to have a girlfriend(I am a lesbian) because I know she would find out when we would have sex. I am also in a deep depression for which I have been seeing a psychiatrist for 4 years now. It isn't helping. I tried to quit heroin but I'm not strong enough. If I do I think I'll die. I think I'm different then all the other addicted people out there because I really need it. I feel like my life is going down instead of up. It's getting darker and darker inside my head. I'm sinking into my last grave I think. I feel cold all the time. Is this what life is supposed to be about? Going from one addiction into the other. Always failing at something. Always being not number #2 but #3 or 4. Noone cares. My parents think everything will be okay if I'll be a doctor some day. But what kind of doctor can I be? Always stoned on H or on morphine, smoking weed instead of cigarettes. I'm supposed to be an example to my future patients. Show them they should take care of their body, not destroy it. Instead I'm doing the exact oppossite of what I've learned at college. Someday I'm gonna snap. I've been saving some money and I'm gonna go far away. Somewhere where noone is gonna care about education. Where you won't be a better person if you have more money. I need to get out of New York soon. Or I'll go crazy. I'm seeing things. Hearing things. Voices telling me that I am a loser. Telling me to end it all. But I don't want to end my life. I just want to run away from it.

current mood: creative

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Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
8:50 pm - Hello.
shaylee_vevina I'm Shaylee Strachan. Shaylee Vevina Eithne Strachan. Let's just pretend that's it for now, okay? I don't feel like going into my past. Especially since my past doesn't matter any more.

Hmm, let's see. I'm an only child, an orphan, and - wait, I wasn't going to go there. Backtracking.

I have a cold. And my chest hurts.

Messy kitchens are the devil, you know. Just the devil. And whoever invented scullery maids should just die.

Yes, that's me. The live-in scullery maid. And the live-in nursery maid. I'm practically a nanny for Ada, though.

Ada is so adorable. She has curly red hair and brown eyes. And she's perfectly normal even. Not like the people where I come from. Nope, you could never call *them* normal. What with all their - wait, wasn't going to go there...

Ehh. Maybe this is impossible to do. Maybe I can't keep my past a secret. Maybe it's too much a part of me to just stop existing, and I can't ignore it.

But I'm damn well going to try.

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Thursday, October 23rd, 2003
12:39 pm - No one posts here...bizarre

cacophony2
So, right then. No one ever updates on this site, but isn't it lovely that the site exists? At first, I thought I'd add my 'fake' journal as a friend. But now, this is my real one, since befriending people on live journal means pretty much hanging your ass out to be spanked by anyone who wants to take a swipe.

There's that.

I'd love to make up some great story about life, but right now I'm watching baseball players who live above me dash out to the SUV for practice. Yesssssssss. Life is good, and I can't make it up. :)

Er...do you guys update? Ever?

current mood: curious

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Thursday, September 25th, 2003
8:27 pm - HEYZ!

wasting_air
HAY1!1!!!! WTF LOL IM JULI1!1! OMG AND IM ULTRA SUPER COL1111 WTF I HAEV 13 BOYFREINDS AND MANY HOMEIZ YA KNOW??!!!? OMG IM TEH MOST POPULAR GIRL AT MAH SKOOL AND I LUB MAH LIEF!!!111 OMG WHEN IM OLDER I WANA B A FASHION DESIGN3R FOR XTINA1!1!111! WTF LOL SHE IS SO COL HOMEI11!1!111 OMG

A LIL ABOUT ME
-IM 14 YEARS MAH NMA IS JULI!1!!11! LOL LIEK DUH!
-I!!1!!!!11!!111!111 WTF LOL LIEK XTINA JUSTIN TIMBRLAEK BRITANY SPEARZ AND GOD CHARLOTA

WEL!!!!1!! OMG WTF LOL TOK 2 U L8R GURL11!1!1 OMG WTF LOL

current mood: guilty

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Sunday, September 14th, 2003
2:00 pm - NEWISH

nicksohmy
My name is Roberto Vieira

I am from an exotic place that i will remain nameless because it's not of your fucking bussiness.

I am 21 years old, im very attractive, that's a fact since i am a model. I have no problem with guys or girls. Im homosexual and im in the closet.

I haven't found an interesting guy. The ones i've known treated me really bad. The only ones i've felt something are far away from where i live.. but...

I'm not the perfect guy.

-I talk about people behinds back.
-I am a hypocrit
-I pretend to be someone im not (wich is being happy)


But i learned that from life. People were like that with me. So i will treat them the same they way they did.

-I like to call people names
-I trash people with other friends...
-I avoid arguments when im on them..

I am a bad guy.. like some of you GUYS are.

until the next post.

current mood: rejected

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Thursday, September 11th, 2003
4:30 pm - Hello again!

crazylacey
Hey, it's me Dr. Love, again. How's life treating you? I left Washington state, with a flash and boy do I miss slurpees. For some odd reason, I would crave slurpees which the 711's in Washington ran full of.
I am now, sitting in an office, on my laptop replying to e-mails. I am in a counseling office, on a special invite to counsel a couple on thier love life. Or more so, thier making love life seems to be the pitts. So they paid me to come here to help out. I should have fun! I hope. :-)
I ran across a store, in Portland Oregon on the way here that sold spells. A guy behind the counter was devloping potions containing LSD I thought, but actually he felt that he could create and sell love spells. I bought a few vials, just for the fun of it. I am actually going to try them out. He seemd to pop in and out of the room, very fast though, which was very mysterious.....
Till the next time!
This is Dr. Love, signing off!


current mood: chipper

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10:53 am

joshawa
Hey kids. I dont have much time. They are after me.


And my heroine. I swear im not addicted.


My name is Jade.


I will post more once i get to a safe haven.


/out

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Monday, September 1st, 2003
12:12 pm - Kenzi Mai Stewart reporting for duty :)
nepo It was my dog's birthday a few days ago. All of my friends gave him gifts. Some bought dog treats and toys, others bought shampoos and oils. One friend went all out and gave my dog a solar system! I can't believe it! My friend got me a card and a box of chocolates (with all the good ones already picked out and little bites taken out of all the others) for my birthday. My dog is now in charge of an entire solar system. I wonder what he will do with it? I hope he doesn't want to play fetch with it :)

current mood: amused

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Friday, August 29th, 2003
2:26 pm - Kenzie Mai Stewart
nepo Hrm... Not much to say today. Still trying to figure out what all of that "junk" in that grave was. The shoes that I kept are beginning to smell like pine trees. The more I wear them the more comfortable they become. I think they are somehow possessed. I keep doing all these weird side-steps when walking down the street in them. I no longer wear them to work because I fell off the scaffolding when the shoes decieded to beging jogging around. Luckily I was wearing my safety harness and a co-worker pulled me back up. I have to admit I was very scared. I ripped the shoes off immediately and almost threw them to the ground. I didn't because I realized that people could get hurt if I threw the shoes from 80 stories up. Sometimes, I think that the shoes are calling to me. It's spooky, that's for sure.
Well, back to cleaning windows for now, the mint julep break is almost over. Tonight I am off to dig some more graves. I hope I don't find anything else.

current mood: confused

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Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
7:15 pm
avoid_reality Why, hello there. WHAT! who said that!
hi, i'm dana johansen and AHH! the phone rang.
sorry;
i dont know, some people say i have problems but i dont know. i mean is it THAT unnormal to put cans behind your door at night??
My life is also devoted to watching the Rocky Horror Picture show every night of my life
AHH! oh, mom...it's just you thank gawwd. Wheres dad? Oh, hes dead. WHAT!!?!! hes DEAD!!! oh ok...
what do you think of me...please;
be somewhat kind about it...i am very;...
sensitive;
-dana

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5:08 pm - all in a weeks work

crazylacey1616
What a crazy day! I flew into a wheat field somewhere north of Spokane, Washington where I came about a farmer and his wife who where having problems. Men, need to realize that no matter what they say women where born to think that it's thier way or the highway... But alas, men do not know this.
I guess it keeps me busy.
I was sent a letter to speak at Washington State University in September. That should be interesting, sitting in front of 400 some odd college kids, getting asked questions about orgasms, and sex questions.. But, I am looking forward to it. Something to set my mind on.
I took a brief visit to Seattle, because the world knows I do love the fish in Seattle.
I spent a lot of time sitting in Starbuck's reading and looking out the window at the water. Very relaxing.

current mood: creative

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Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
9:40 pm - Rawr.
fire_glow WUZZUP, HOME DAWGS?! Uberdyke here. Just saved the world ( before bedtime! ) and worked out for 35 consecutive hours. All in one day!

Anyway, updating to say I switched usernames from charmless to this one. Family was reading old journal and finding out about my superhero alias, and we can't have that.

Must go now - a - gasp - customer!

current mood: anxious

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Monday, August 25th, 2003
1:48 am

xanderexcel
i'm going to take my shrink's advice and go see capt. jack lytning about this whole split personality disorder shit. i gotta get these damn whatever the fuck shits out of my head. that or i'll start shitting nuts... and that's not fun. i would know. i had an old lady come up to me today. at first, i thought she'd like lecture on what i was wearing, as if i needed that shit. but, no, she didnt. she instead told me this and i quote, "Remind me to pick the peanuts out of my shit before I feed it to you. You haven't earned them yet." so now i'm a shitty peanut eater. ehh.. it's fun. lot's of protein. but this old lady is like insulting me and all i can think of is my own grandmother and who she was. she was sucha a great woman. no word that ever came out of her mouth was dripping with sarcasm or hate. all she spoke of was happiness and joy. instead, i run into the satanic version of mrs. field's. i swear, if she offered me a cookie, i'd run for my life, on account of her probable attempt to kill me. i can see my funeral stone now... here lies our beloved son, killed by mrs. satan. no thanks, just keep me the hell away from all that. and that damn geriatric vision isnt leaving me... some old guy, maybe 50 or something, is like haunting me. great.. a vision is tormenting me.. i'm losing it, i really am. it'll either be the geriatric or the elderly annie oakley that'll kill me. so i need help. anyone care to help?

current mood: content

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Sunday, August 24th, 2003
6:31 pm - I fell off the roof

thekidsnotfine
ughhh... today has not been a good day.

Something hapened on the roof of the arena and they needed someone small and limber to go up and fix it. So natually they all nomintae me because I'm the smallest on the tour. So I climb up and they tell me to what to do and i fixed it but when I was making my way down i was like 40 feet from the ground and I lost my footing and started to slid and then I just kinda rolled of the side. I fell off the roof today. So yea, i'm ok. My arm hurts like hell and i kinda just laid there for a second. Afterwards Mark and Tom (The Ties bassist) helped me to the bus and they gave me some medicine to make the pain go away. I feel stoned. haha I have a scar on my arm from something but I don't know what I hit. Oh yea, and this isn't my first time falling off a roof. When I was 4 my brother told me that I could fly. He was joking around with me but didn't know i believed him. I climbed out of my bedroom window and up onto the roof and splat. Needless to say I didn't fly. I hate roofs and obviously they hate me.

Tomorrow is the last day of practice. Then the day after tomorrow we start the tour. Yayness.

+{ Riff }+

current mood: drunk

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12:46 pm

hawk_merchguy
Hi, I'm Hawk and I'm new here. I'm friends with another member heresashperve. I'm 26 and from Auckland, New Zealand but I'm in Australia for a few months helping Sasha's band get gigs.

And I can't think of anything else to write and I have to go work on these fliers. Any questions, just ask.

Hawk

current mood: blank

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